Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
