Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
