I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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