Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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