She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
