A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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