I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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