he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I touched a dick in church today
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
