Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
