this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
