I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
