Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
