nut hugger
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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