I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
