The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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