i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
