I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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