I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
