is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
