my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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