he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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