It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
