You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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