I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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