Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
