Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
