I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
