Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize