Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
