Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize