I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
