Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
