I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
