awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
