Screwed.edu
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
