Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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