Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
