I must be too annoying 4 u.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
