I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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