but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
