Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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