I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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