I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
