He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
