Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize