i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
