I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
