Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize