Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
