Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
