And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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