he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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