Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
