I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize