...so i touched it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize