i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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