I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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