My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
