where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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