I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
