don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
someone owes me an orgasm
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
