can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
