Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
