We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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