First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
