I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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