he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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