My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
