Porn is love you can see.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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