3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
