So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
