Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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