my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
