you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
