well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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