I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
